10.0 - WTF?
This page exists because I get pissed off. This despite my ranking in martial arts, training in meditation, and general unwillingness to spend my time being angry. The upshot of all that is by the time I am seriously annoyed, you don't want to be anywhere around me. having said that, let us commence with the flames.
10.1 - Inappropriate Web Technology
10.1.1 - Mouseovers from Hell
So, here I am, reading some web page about something I'm interested in. I'm scrolling down the page using the roller on my mouse, all very convenient, I'm in the groove, thinking about what I'm reading... and the mouse pointer lands on, or goes over, a word that some clueless webmaster has linked to a mouse-over "feature." Up pops a huge hunk of completely unwanted and unrequested content, startling me, breaking my concentration, and generally annoying the heck out of me. Speaking to webmasters, look here:
If I want additional content, and you have some, there's this magical Internet / Web technology called a link which was designed to help you out. What this does, see, is when the user wants a context change, they proactively click on it, see, as a choice, see, and then your little box can pop up, or you can use the link to send the user off to a new web page. Isn't that a remarkable idea, that users can control where they go and what they see? Perhaps you might consider it. Because using mouseover driven pop-ups makes you look like a damned idiot, is a technique guaranteed to annoy your visitors, and at least in my case, makes it certain you won't get a return visit or even so much as a bookmark.
10.2 - Impregnable Plastic Packaging
Corporations: Look here. If you are packaging something - a pair of scissors, a case for a media player, a cheap Japanese vibrator - you do not need to encase it in plastic that (a) is too thick and/or too well sealed to be opened by normal human hand-strength, (b) will create edges that can, nay, are almost guaranteed, to seriously cut anyone who does manage to get a knife edge into said plastic, and (c) won't even co-operate once there is a good gash created by virtue of a razor or a pair of gardening shears. If you package your products thusly, you are on my shit list. Just so you know.
10.3 - DVDs
10.3.1 - DVD packaging
I admit it. I love watching movies. I buy a lot of DVDs. That's right, buy. I have hundreds and hundreds of them. Consequently, I've opened hundreds and hundreds of them. From shrink wrap that won't tear to the adhesive binders along the edges to the little clips that won't let you open the case to the center mounts that arrive broken, for Jebus's sake, could you people just get your damned act together? Did it ever occur to you bewildered clowns that the best way to avoid piracy might not be to piss off your customers every single time they (try to) open your products?
10.3.2 - DVD Warnings
I buy DVDs. I don't steal them. For my trouble, I get to suffer through un-skippable FBI notices in multiple languages, all threatening someone I in no way resemble (though it often occurs to me that perhaps these notices drive people who are close to the edge, right over it.) You don't want me to steal? Stop treating me like a criminal. Otherwise, some day you may convince me I am a criminal, and then where will you be?
10.3.3 - DVD previews
Look. DVD players have menus. You remember menus? Put the previews in the menus so that if we want to watch them, we can. This way (and I know this is a radical idea) the consumer can actually proceed to watch the movie, which act, presumably, is at least somewhat related to why the DVD was purchased in the first place. Lots of DVD publishers do this, but Disney is the worst offender by far, dragging you through one inane advertisement after another. Way to go, get me to despise your brand name, trigger an automatic sneer the moment I see your logo. That's good business practice, isn't it?
10.4 - Television
10.4.1 - Oy
Ok. Look. I like being entertained, just like most people. I've found a few good series on the old tube, most notably Firefly and Enterprise. Both avoid the malaise of soap-opera-itis that we see in shows like the otherwise well produced Battlestar Galactica, both have high production values, interesting characters, engaging story lines and convincing villains. Humor too, particularly Firefly. Both series were cancelled, and consequently, my interaction with broadcast television is basically nil. Whenever I look over the broadcast offerings, I find the most amazing dreck: "Charm School." "Survivor." "Touched by an Angel." "Flavor of Love." I mean... really. I understand about the IQ gaussian, I really do, but just as half the country falls under the median, so half the country is above it. Can't we just have some good TV shows? Please?
10.4.2 - The News
To start with, Paris Hilton is not "news", OK? Neither is Anna Nicole Smith. Neither is Brittany Spears. When (OK, if) these broadcasts actually get around to news items, the commentator's opinion is neither wanted nor interesting, and it wastes time that could have been used to actually broadcast more news. I would like to know what is happening with the government's current extra-national activities, I'd like to hear what is happening in the rest of the world, I'd like a weather forecast, I'd like to hear national news, but I do not want to hear your opinions. It is a news broadcast, not an opinion broadcast. And another thing: When you "cover" a debate, actually cover it. The recent republican debate coverage which blithely ignores Ron Paul's participation is a perfect demonstration of exactly what is wrong with the news media today. This act of omission is a blatant attempt to steer news consumers away from Paul. If he's such a bad deal, cover what he says and let the people decide. If he isn't, then why are you omitting coverage? As if anyone with half a brain didn't know that the news organizations are deeply complicit in political rigging.
As things stand today, mid 2007, the best news program on the air is Comedy Central's "The Daily Show", where John Stewart and crew lampoon the mess the networks make out of reporting the news, as well as pointing out the amusing side of the news in general. There's no reason why a comedy show about the news shouldn't be popular, but the fact that it is actually the best source for unbiased news is by far the most damning indictment of traditional news organizations I can think of.
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